On Being a Mom... Views From a Cynic

This post contains no parenting advice. I could never pretend to have cracked the parenting code. I am not sure that I will ever be qualified to advise anyone on the great challenge of parenting.

Rather, this post is aimed at moms in social settings.  Most moms have some sort of "mom support"-- a play group, some random people at the local park, even an online forum.  I have had plenty of experience with these social situations, so here is a word to the wise:  If you find yourself ostracized from play dates and park get-togethers, perhaps you have broken one of these cardinal rules...

1.  Be honest about your kids.  Brag about your kids and complain about your kids.  But do both.  This rule has no exceptions. 
Don't be the cranky mom who is constantly whining about the horrors of motherhood.  You make us laugh and we can all sympathize, but then you are a drag and we start to feel sorry for your husband and kids. 
And please, please don't be the Mom who is shamelessly bragging non-stop about how her 6 month-old knows the alphabet and balances the budget.  We are impressed with the occasional achievement-- we roll our eyes and stop believing you with constant bragging.  If you really can't find anything to say that is not glowing and positive, then at least humor the rest of us with a generic comment like:
"It definitely takes patience to be a Mom", or "My kid sure does wear me out sometimes". 
You get the idea. Be real.  Being a mom is amazing... and exhausting.  Find a balance.

2.  Don't ever refer to yourself as a "Mommy".  Unless you are using a direct quote from your child, the word "Mommy" really should never pass your lips.  Its not cute.  Its akin to baby talk (which is also not cute).  You are not a stay-at-home "mommy".  You are a stay-at-home mom.  You do not love being a "mommy".  You love being a mom.  Please get it right.  The next time you get an urge to refer to yourself (while speaking to another adult) as a "mommy"-- stop it.

3.  Your kid is not acting out in class because he/ she is so advanced that they are bored. If I had a dollar for every parent who told me this, I'd be rich.  It is possible to be smart and also well-behaved.  If your kid is acting up in class-- it is not up to the teacher to challenge them more (that is a separate issue).  It is up to your kid to learn how to behave.
 

I realize how cynical this sounds.  Just a heads-up for new moms finding their footing in social situations.  You are welcome.